If men were beer, I would be part of an extremely complicated relationship.
Here in Puerto Rico, tap beer is not the norm, so when I go out I like drinking the local beer.
I don’t think it has to do with the taste, as the local beer is a light beer that doesn’t particularly taste like much, but it is definitely refreshing. Merely the fact that it’s local makes this beer taste like heaven, some sort of golden one.
You see if it had to do with marketing I would definitely go for the green imported one from Holland. In comparison with the local beer’s image, which is affordable and non-pretentious, this one is more sophisticated. This beer has gone green with beach bags, has won people over with their free monthly Jazz concerts held in a park by the beach, and a famous Jazz Fest held once a year; they’ve even gone online with a made-up city with cutting edge apartments you can own, stores and bars. I mean they are great, and yes I long for their events and wouldn’t say no to a chilled green beer… but I’d have Made in Puerto Rico over Made in Holland any given day.
So here we have these two beers. There shouldn’t be any conflict between them, after all they’re just beers, I drink whichever one I feel like, which in this case is gold, because after all he’s my true love. He’s twenty something, hot but smart and basically supports anything local, the beach, tourism and of course the University of Puerto Rico- even if he doesn’t say it I know he does.
Everything was perfect between Gold and I until I met Mr. Green. Mr. Green is the perfect green man. He’s an eloquent guy in his thirties, who enjoys art and theater, recycles, and works for green beer. The guy even invited me to a Classical music festival for our first date. What kind of first date is that? You can’t even scratch your head without everyone turning their heads, don’t even mind speaking. Granted: Classical music may not be green beer’s favorite, but if someone who liked Classical music drank beer, it would definitely be green.
I told Mr. Green that if he wanted to keep seeing me he would have to understand about my relationship with Gold and even though he wouldn’t agree on having a threesome publicly, not even a taste, he accepted my decision to stay with Gold. So now usually it’ll be Mr. Green, Goldie and I sharing a table.
Everything was perfect.
Then Silver came along. Damn American beer with its silver tongue came to buy me over, but I’m not for sale. You see, Silver is the hip funky one, who likes to pretend he’s from NYC, even though he’s just from a small town in Colorado . Different from Gold, which is young and cool because of its way with the locals, Silver likes all the attention. He throws the sickest electro parties, has the hottest models and even throws an Indie Rock Festival! Silver has everything going for him image-wise, he’s young and funky but once you try it, you’re disappointed by its taste – what a downer! But Silver came to pay me a visit this week* and offered to pay me if I was caught on tape with him.
I thought, not over my dead body!
But what I did was a bit different. You see, I really wanted to go to Italy, and the money was perfect for it!
So now I’m part of a love triangle and have a pimp on the side.